A Letter To Dr. Laura

[Sinn]

[For those who don't know, Dr. Laura is an Amerikwan judeo-xtian freak who has her own radio show an dispenses "advise" (ie. bullshit - similair to dr phil) to morons calling into her show or that email her. More about her here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Schlessinger ]

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident,
which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as
informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as
many people as I can.

When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that (Leviticus 18:22) clearly
states it to be an abomination. .... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's
Law and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing
odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odor
is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in (Exodus
21:7). In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period
of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15: 19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have
tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. (Lev. 25:44) states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims
that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. (Exodus 35:2). The
passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination
(Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.I don't agree. Can
you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. (Lev. 21:20) states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision
have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by (Lev.19:27). How
should they die?

9. I know from (Lev. 11:6-8) that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? ( footballs are made of
pigskin)

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates (Lev. 19:19) by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and
blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - (Lev.24:10-16).
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)