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Author Topic: Nog jokes

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Nog jokes
« on: 18 June 2015 at 12:00 »
What did the kiwi say to the Jew?
 Hebrew (hey bro)

 What does WIFE stand for?
 Washing, ironing, *ing etc.

 Why did stewart diver go back to thredbo?
 To see his flat mates.

 What's the difference between and egg and a wank?
 You cant beat a wank

 What do u call an aboriginie in a freezer?
 Stiff *

 What do u call an aboriginie running through a rainforest?
 Chocolate moove.

 Why did the kid fall off the swing?
 because he had no arms

 What do you do when you see a spastic in a bathtub having a fit?
 Throw in the washing.

 Q. Why did the Leb die?
 A. He was fully sick Maaate!!!!!!

 Q. What do you call a Leb in the middle of the ocean, drowning, screaming for help?

 Q. What do you call a Leb on a bike?
 A. Ali Davidson

 Q. What do u call a Leb on the moon?
 A. Naser.

 Q. What do you call 1 Leb on the moon?
 A. A Problem

 Q. Two Lebs on the moon?
 A. A bigger problem

 Q. Every Leb on the moon?

 Q. What do you call a hot chick in Lebanon?
 A. A tourist

 Q. Who won the Lebanese beauty contest?
 A. No one.

 Q. What do you call three Lebs in the sauna?
 A. Gorillas in the mist

 Q. What do you call a Leb who has had an abortion?
 A. CrimeStopper

 Q. How many Lebs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A. 10... 1 to screw it in and the other 9 to say sick

 Q. Why dont Lebs where underwear?
 A. Cause Nike dont make them

 Q. What do u call a Leb between 2 buildings?
 A. Ali.

 Q. What do you call a drunk Leb?

 Q. What do u call a really drunk Leb?
 A. Mohamed.

 Q. What do u call a really drunk Leb between 2 buildings?
 A. Mohamed Ali

 Q. Why did the Leb cross the road?
 A. To bash the chicken

 Q. Why did fifty Lebs cross the road?
 A. Because the chicken was bashing the Leb

 Q. What do u call a good looking Leb?
 A. Asif.

 Q. What do u call a Leb hairdresser?
 A. Ali Barber.

 Q. What do u call a baby Leb?
 A. Kebab.

 Q. How do u tell a baby Leb to shut up?
 A. Shush Kebab.

 Q. What do you call a Leb in a police line up?
 A. Wasim
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > > NAME ............................
 > >
 > > GANG ............................
 > >
 > > Time allowed 1 hour
 > >
 > >
 > > 1. If Mohammed lowers his WRX 2 inches front and back and puts on stolen
 > > 18-inch Zepter wheels, how many inches has he originally lost from the
 > > stock suspension?
 > >
 > > 2. If Con needs 3 razors a day to stay clean shaved, how many razors will
 > > he need before he goes to the gym at 8.00pm?
 > >
 > > 3. If Moustafa runs 10 km from the Police in Lakemba to Punchbowl then
 > > steals a car and drives another 5 km to Bankstown, how many kilometres has
 > > he travelled if he ends up hiding in Wiley Park?
 > >
 > > 4. Omar has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an "8 ball" to Hamil for
 > > $320.00 and 2 grams to Akhmed for $85.00 per gram, what is the street
 > > value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?
 > >
 > > 5. If Ahmed receives $200.00 per week disability allowance from Centrelink
 > > and works for his brother as a builder and receives a further $400.00 per
 > > week and then pays $10.00 per week for each of his 11 children for school,
 > > how much money does he have left to buy a smashed Tarago from the auctions?
 > >
 > > 6. If the average spray can covers 22 square metres and the average letter
 > > is 8 square centimetres, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?
 > >
 > > 7. If Soula needs 25 mls of wax per day to get rid of her facial hair and
 > > Soula is only 19 years old, how many mls will her mother need if she is
 > > 47?
 > >
 > > 8. Mohamed has an AK-47 with 2 x 30 round clips. If he misses 6 out of 10
 > > shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by
 > > shootings can he attend before he has to reload?
 > >
 > > 9. If Jim changes the oil in his Fish & Chips shop deep fryer every 18
 > > months and this costs him $400.00, how often should he change the oil if
 > > he wants to spend only $180.00 per annum on new oil?
 > >
 > > 10. If Abdo runs a Donor Kebab shop and works as a Taxi driver on weekends
 > > and earns $1,200.00 per week, how much does Centrelink give him for his
 > > job search allowance?
 > >
 > > 11. If Bankstown's ethnic community is increasing at a rate of 3.5% per
 > > month, the overall population increasing at 2.1% per month, at what rate
 > > are the Aussies leaving?
 > >
 > > 12. Nabil wants to cut his 8 ounces of heroin to make a 20% profit, how
 > > many ounces of cut will he need?
 > >
 > > 13. Chang gets $200.00 for stealing a BMW, $150.00 for a Commodore and
 > > $100.00 for a Falcon. If he has stolen two BMW's and three Falcons, how
 > > many Commodores will he have to steal to make $1,800.00?
 > >
 > > 14. If Bilal gets a haircut and gets a number 2 on the sides and a number
 > > 3 on top, then goes back 3 weeks later and gets a number 1 all round, how
 > > much has his hair grown in 3 weeks? (Assume that his hair grows evenly at
 > > a rate of 2 mm per day)
 > >
 > > 15. Quang is pimping for three girls. If the price is $75.00 for the
 > > trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so that Quang can pay
 > > for his $200 per day crack habit?
 > >
 > > 16. If Greg Smith hears the word "yullah" approximately 55 times per hour
 > > in Bankstown Square, How many times will he hear the word "mate" in
 > > Penrith Plaza, if Bankstown has a population of 85,000 and Penrith has a
 > > population of 10,000?
 > >
 > > 17. If Luigi drives his family and cousins all in one car from Leichhardt
 > > to Stanmore, how many round trips will he need to make if 40 of his
 > > relatives need a lift and he can put 12 people in his Valiant at any one given time?
 > >
 > > 18. If Ahmed uses 1 kg of "bog" to fix his smashed car, how many cans of
 > > spray paint will he need if Hardware House is selling them for $9.00 each
 > > and each can has 85 mls and the ambient air temperature averages at 22.5
 > > degrees Celsius?
 > >
 > > 19. Trinh is in prison for 6 years for murder. He received $10,000.00 for
 > > the hit. His common law wife is spending $100.00 per month. How much money
 > > will be left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for
 > > killing the bitch that spent his money?
 > >
 > > 20. If Mario's dad has his top 3 buttons of his shirt open and reveals 1 x
 > > golden cross and 2 other golden ornaments, and has approximately 17 sq cm
 > > of hair coming from his chest with an average length of 2cm, what is the
 > > probability that the ornaments will be visible from:
 > >
 > > a) 2 feet away ........%
 > >
 > > cool.gif 5 feet away ........%
 > >
 > > c) 100 feet away .....%
 > >
 > > 21. If Effie's mum sells her galaktoboureko for $2.00 per slice and she
 > > wants to make an extra 10% profit on each slice, how many sheets of filo
 > > pastry will she leave out if the filo pastry costs 62c a sheet and she
 > > normally uses 17 sheets on each tray which she cuts into 16 slices?
 > >
 > > 22. Hamul has knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the
 > > gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hamul knocked up?
 > >
 > > 23. If George has $12,000.00 and buys 2 smashed cars from the auctions,
 > > how much will it cost him to fix them if his friend from school Ahmed is a
 > > panel beater and charges him Habib rates of $40.00 per hour?
 > >
 > > 24. If Layla has to move her eyes 50 degrees to the right when doing her
 > > maths HSC exam to see Julie Wilson's answers, how many degrees will she
 > > have to move her head if Michelle, Linda and Lisa are sitting 1 metre apart from Julie?
 > >
 > > > END OF EXAM
The Price is Reich!

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Re: Nog jokes
« Reply #1 on: 27 June 2015 at 00:43 »
Sadly, I couldn't get most of the jokes, I guess we have different terms etc. up North here.
Anyways here are a few jokes I like (apologies if they get repeated) :
What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.                                                                                     
I asked a Jewish girl for her number. She rolled up her sleeve.
One day a Jewish grandmother had taken her grandson to the beach for a play when suddenly a huge wave washed over the infant and pulled him out to sea. The distraught grandmother fell down on her knees, and sobbed, "Please God, don't let my grandson die, please, he is my only grandson! He is the future of my family, please return him to me safely!" Instantly another huge wave rolls the infant back onto the beach and the grandmother looks up to the sky and said, "He had a hat!"
How do you know when your on a Jewish golf course? The players don't yell 'FORE' they yell '$3.99!
What's faster than a speeding bullet? A Jew with a coupon.
Why are Jewish synagogues round? So they cant hide in the corner when the collection box comes round!
What's the difference between boy scouts and Jews? Boy scouts come back from their camps.
I used to work for a Jewish carpenter. He used to check my fingers for splinters to make sure I wasn't stealing.
Why don't Jews eat pork? Jews may be a lot of things but cannibals they are not!
There wouldn't be any Jews in America if they hadn't heard about the right of free speech.
How can you tell when a black has been on your computer? It is not there.
What do you call 50 niggers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ? A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
What's the good part of there being no blacks on the Jetsons? It means the future will be great!
Why do blacks have white hands and feet? They were on all fours when God spray painted them!
What's the most confusing day in Harlem? Fathers Day!
Why don't sharks eat niggers? They think its whale *!
What's the difference between a canoe and a Jew? A canoe tips! What do you call a nigger hitchhiker? Stranded.
Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps? Under his work boots.
How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.
Why are niggers getting hit by cars more in winter on snowy days? They are easier to spot
What's long and hard on a nigger? First grade.
What do black men do after sex? 15 years to life.
Why do decent white folks shop at nigger yard sales? To get all their stuff back.
What's the difference between a black and a white fairy-tale? White begins, "once upon a time," black begins, "y'all motherfuckers ain't gonna believe dis *!"
Why do pill bottles have cotton buds in the top of them? To remind niggers that they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.
How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers?  He promised to create jobs for them if elected.
What do nigger pimps and farmers have in common? They both need a hoe to stay in business!
What is the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman can go into a convenience store without Robin.
Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby? It's annoying when it comes out black.
Why don't niggers celebrate Thanksgiving? Kentucky Fried Chicken isn't open on holidays.
Aut Vincere Aut Mori!

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Re: Nog jokes
« Reply #2 on: 27 June 2015 at 02:41 »
"Fully Sick" = It's a sand nigger thing from Sydney/Talibanistan in Australia, that unfortunately spread like a contamination.

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Re: Nog jokes
« Reply #3 on: 27 June 2015 at 03:34 »
I thought I saw a superhero in a cape running down the road the other day...TURNED OUT IT WAS A NIGGER TRYING TO STEAL A FREE HAIR CUT!

 How come there aren't any Abbos on Star Trek? BECAUSE IT IS SET IN THE FUTURE!



 What is the difference between a Nigger and Bat man? BAT MAN CAN GO OUT AT NIGHT WITHOUT ROBBIN

 How do you stop a gang of niggers from raping a woman? THROW THEM A BASKET BALL.

 There are 5 guys one is Chinese,One Indian the other black and the other 2 are white and they ARE walking through the desert and fins a magic lamp and rubs it and a genie appears. They each get granted a wish each. The first guy In Asian and says " I hate Indians I want to live in a land that's Indian free" and poof the Indian beside him goes. Then the black guy see what the gook did and says I hate gooks I want to live in a land that is gook free and *poof* the gook disappears. The next guy is white and says I hate niggers I want to live in a land that is nigger free and *poof* the nigger disappears. The last white guy gets asked to make his wish by the genie and he says "So let me get this right, there are no Niggers, Indians or gooks here... I GUESS I'LL JUST GET A COKE THANKS!"

How can a nigger lady tell she is pregnant?
 She pulls out her tampon and all the cotton is picked off.

 What would you call the Flinstones if they were black? NIGGERS

 How do you get a Nigger out of your front yard?
 Hang him in the back.

 What do you call a Flock of niggers falling down a hill?
 A mudslide

 A White man, and a nigger jump from the top of a 30 foot tree.
 Which one hits the ground first? The white man, because the nigger got stopped by the rope.

 Why don't black people go on cruises?
 They already fell for that trick once.

 Why do White People own so many pets?
 Because we arn't allowed to own people anymore.

 Apparently 98% of niggers enjoy sex in the shower.
 The other 2% haven't gone to prison yet

 If you ever get your phone wet, Drop it in a bag of rice.
 overnight the rice will attract asians that will fix your phone.

 What's Black on top and white on the bottom?

 Why do black men cry during sex?
 The mace.

 Why do Jews get circumsised?
 Because Jewish ladys won't touch anything that's not 20% off.

 What's the difference between snow tires and a nigger?
 The snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

 What do you say when you see your tv floating in the dark?
 Drop it nigger.

 School is like a boner.
 It's long and hard unless you're an asian.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together and come across a 10 year old boy.

 "Quick, let's f+ck him!" says the priest, to which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
What do you call a black guy wearing a tie? A TYCOON

 What do you call a black guy who stutters? a CO-COON

 What is clear and lies in the gutter? A NIGGER WITH CRAP KICKED OUT OF HIM


 What word starts with N and ends in R and you never want to call a black guy? NEIGHBOUR

 What do Aboriginies use for Sex toys? A BEER BOTTLE FULL OF FLIES

 What is inbetween an Abbo's boobs? HER BELLY BUTTON

 How was copper wire invented? 2 JEWS FIGHTING OVER A COIN!

 What do you call a Jewish Piano? A CASH REGISTER

 What is the difference between OJ simpson and the lion king? ONE IS AN African LION THE OTHER IS A LYIN' AFRICAN.

 How do you e-mail Oj simpson? SLASH SLASH BACKSLASH ESCAPE!

 Heard about the new Mc Donnalds Michael Jackson Burger? IT IS A 36 YEAR OLD PIECE OF MEAT WEDGED INSIDE 2 X 8 YR OLD BUNS!

 Heard about the new rules of poker the LAPD play? 4 CLUBS BEATS A KING

 What do you call a nigger who smokes? NIGGERTINE

 What happened to the coon who looked up his family tree?HIS MUM SHAT ON HIS FACE!

 Why to Mexicans drive low rider cars? TO PICK VEGIES AS THEY DRIVE ALONG

 why do Mexicans have big noses? SO THEY HAVE SOME THING TO PICK IN THE OFF SEASON

 Why do Jews have big Noses? Built in gas masks

 How do you make a nigger kid quit jumping on the bed? PUT VELCROW ON THE CEILING AND TELL A SPIC KID HE IS A PINYADA.

 Why does Atlanta have glass rubbish bins? SO THE COONS CAN DO SOME WINDOW SHOPPING.

 Why do niggers have black under their feet and hands? EVERYBODY HAS A BIT OF GOOD IN THEM!

 What do you call a black man at College? THE JANITOR!

 What do you say to an Indian in a uniform? PETROL ON PUMP 4 PLEASE.

 Why would India never win the soccer world cup? EVERYTIME A CORNER IS AWARDED THEY'S PUT UP A PETROL STATION OR A 7-11

 How do you blindfold an Asian? REMOVE YOUR SHOELACE

 What is small and Yellow and goes "cheap cheap? A VIETNAMESE HOOKER!

 What is the difference between a bucket of sh1t and a coon?

 An abbo is walking through the desert and finds a magic lamp. He rubs it and a Genie comes and grants him a wish .. the Abbo says he wants to be a piece of dog crap.. the Genie is shocked and asked why that? he says "IT GOES WHITE AFTER A WHILE AND CEASES TO STINK"

 There is a guy selling guns and a customer comes to the shop and wants the most powerful gun , he shows him a magnum and says "what do you want to take down with a gun this powerful"? the customer says .. "oh.. just some cans". The Shop keeper says .. "you don't need a magnum for cans"! the Customer replies "NO YOU , DON'T KNOW I WANT TO SHOOT MEXI-CANS, PEURTORI-CANS AND JAMAI-CANS"

 What do you call a Lesbian Dinosaur? LICKALOTTAPUS

 How do you fit 4 homos on a stool? INVERT IT

 What do you call a bunch of Maoris bouncing in a circle? A MAORI-GO-ROUND

 How do you pick a New Zealander in a shoe shop? HE IS THE ONE WANKING TO THE UGG BOOTS.

 How do New Zealanders find sheep in long grass? QUITE PLEASURABLE.

 Why is Italy shaped like a boot? THEY COULDN'T FIT THAT MUCH * IN A SHOE.


 Why do black girls have big hand bags? FOR ALL THAT LIPSTICK!

 What is :-black, green,pink, purple, blue and has yellow polka dots? A BLACK WOMAN GOING TO CHURCH!

 How do you keep the niggers out of your area? REMOVE THE BEST CARDBOARD BOXES.

 What do you call a black guy with sevceral sheets of corrugated roofing tin under his arm? REAL ESTATE AGENT.


 Know why head ache pills are white?YOU WANT IT TO WORK DON'T YOU?

 *visual joke , pay attention* ask "When's the only time you wink and smile at a nigger woman?" Then make a hand gesture like you are holding an invisible rifel looking down the scope!

What do you call a bunch of niggers in a barn?ANTIQUE FARM MACHINES!


 Hear the one about the Irish Homosexuals? GERALD FITZPATRICK AND PATRICK FITZGERALD

 2 poofs live in this house and one goes into have a shower after the other one and notices sperm all over the shower screen. The One that notices says , angrily to the other "cut this out you are making a mess of the place". A couple days pass and this poof notices there is sperm on the shower screen again he goes back to the offending homo and says "we spoke about this.. I told you to cut this out!" the other poof said "I COULDN'T HELP IT I JUST DID A FART IN THERE!"

 How do you confuse an Irishman? Give him a spade and a shovel and tell him to take his pick.

 There is this English guy in Sydney Airport and he find out he is $2 short on a flight he needs to get home to London. He decides to beg and with a few knockbacks he gets a guy that hands him $10. The English guy says "wow! thanks I only asked for $2 .. the guy that gave him the money said "I WASN'T REALLY BEING KIND TO YOU I WANT YOU TO ROUND UP 4 MONRE OF YOUR GRIZZLING MATES TO GO WITH YOU".

There is an Islander and he wanders the desert and finds a magic lamp. He rubs it and a genie appears and grants him a wish. He says "I want a bridge from Sydney to Samoa that is solid gold and is diamond encrusted so my cousins from Samoa can come in here. The genie said "that is too hard I can't do that , wish for something else."
 The Islander wishes Islander can be smarter than white people.
 The Genie pauses and looks at him and says "WELL.. ER.. THAT BRIDGE YOU WANTED.. IS THAT 2 LANES OR 4?"

 There is an Abbo and he is wandering the desert and rubs a lamp and a genie appears and says I'll grant you 3 wishes.

 The first wish is that he wants 50 million dollars... the money appears in wads of cash and a masion and fancy cars.

 The second wish is he wants to be white.He changes skin tone to white.

 the 3rd wish is he says "o.k I never want to work again."

Young Hitler has this cannon and he has a queue of Jews lines up.. he calls for the first Jew and says "OK Jew touch your toes" *boom*! The Jew gets thrown in the back of the oven. Then he calls for the next Jew in line says "OK Jew, do a star jump formation *BOOM!* fires the cannon and throws the corpse in the back of the oven. He then calls the next Jew in line and says " O.K Jew stand on one leg and grab your toes with one hand. The Jew complies *BOOM*! and he gets thrown in the back of the oven.


 What do German kids get for Christmas? A GI JEW AND AN EASY BAKE OVEN.

 What is the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? A PIZZA DOESN'T SCREAM WHEN YOU THROW THAT IN THE OVEN.

 How do you fit 10 Jews in a Volkswagon Bug? 2 in the front and 2 in the back and 6 in the ashtray!

 What would Hitler tell Sammi Davis Jr? GET IN THE BACK OF THE OVEN!

 Why did Hitler commit suicide? HE RECEIVED HIS GAS BILL!

How can you tell if an Abo has been in your home?CATS PREGNANT AND YOUR THONGS ARE MISSING.

How do you know if a gook has been in your home?
The Price is Reich!

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Re: Nog jokes
« Reply #4 on: 27 June 2015 at 03:51 »

The Price is Reich!

Find me on Stormfront as QueJumpingAfghan where I have been banned!

Formerly Based in the Northern Territory
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